21st Century Dating

So here at PP towers, a couple of our girls are currently single and on the market looking for a new partner in crime. Our very own Emma K has recently been out on a few dates and as you can imagine a few of the dates haven’t been amazing.

She has recently been sharing her experiences with us behind closed doors however, there is one in particular that she wants to share with everyone out of principle.

On a Wednesday night after work, I got changed, sorted out my hair, sorted out my face and made my way to the pub close to my office in Central London. I was off to meet a young chap who I had met on a dating app for a good month or so. I met him outside of the pub said hello and then in we went.

We got a couple of drinks and started chatting as we have done via text for weeks but it was quite nice to actually do it face to face. As the evening went on, it became more apparent to me that he wasn’t the right fit for me, which is perfectly acceptable, however, I carried on with the evening then we went our separate ways.
I hadn’t heard from him for a few weeks, which to be fair was no skin off my nose at it wasn’t a great date and he wasn’t quite what I would be looking for in a potential partner. Well randomly and out of the blue, I received a message from him apologising for not being in touch sooner but he didn’t think it would be a good idea for us to go out again.. Again, no skin off my nose as I completely agreed. He could have just left it there, but oh no! He needed to then go on and explain why.. So his reasons for not wanting to go out with me again are as follow;

• I am not the usual type of girl he would go out with in regards to my looks
• I am too opinionated
• My knowledge was intimidating 

So I politely replied completely agreeing that we shouldn’t got out again but needed clarification on what he meant by the above points, so asked him outright that was it because I am a little bit fat and I have a brain to which he simply replied ‘Yes’.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do not expect to be everyone’s cup of tea and I could never suggest that I should be, however, my size does not define who I am and the fact that I have a brain that is fully functioning with knowledge inside of it should not make a difference.

When did it become OK to say to a woman that her brain is intimidating and that is a reason not to date someone. I am not going to get started on my size because like I said not everyone likes a curvier woman and that is perfectly ok. My issue is the fact that because I am an intelligent, free minded woman who can hold a conversation across a number of topics make me unattractive.

Gents, if you find a woman who is intelligent, do not judge her on it, embrace the fact that she will be able to challenge you on topics you never thought she would know anything about. Enjoy the fact that you can be sitting at home watching your favourite team play football and she will be able to throw over some banter towards you about them. Get involved in the things that she enjoys because oddly enough you might be able to learn something from her.

We no longer live in a world where men are the superior sex, we live in a world where women are equal in all walks of life, we do not just sit at home and look after the house and tend to your every need.

Every single woman on this planet is a strong, powerful woman who is still learning what she can offer and who she is, we never stop growing and changing what we want from life so do not think that it is ok to belittle us because of our incredible minds.

Embrace who we are and broaden your horizons and have fun. Do not be ashamed to be with an intelligent woman.

Emma K
Model, Pageant Princess & Sporty Girl

Take The Photo!

As many of you will be aware I lost my partner recently.

It was a sudden accident. A single moment in time that went on to change my world forever.

There are so very many emotions I have experienced during this time. And I've struggled to feel positive about anything, let alone how I look. It just hasn't been important.

Because it isn't, not really. I loved him and his oversized, undefined body. And he loved my size 22 post two babies, stretch mark rife one.

Whilst agonising over all the pain loss brings, We cling to the memories. And treasure the articles that help evoke them. Photos particularly become your most adored items.

Which is why I'm writing this.
Emotional as I am, to beg you to stop hiding from the camera. We all do it. We all duck or pull away saying our hairs a mess or we aren't wearing make up.

STOP!

There were so many photos he tried to take of our days out or experiences we had, and I would avoid them for fear of how I would look.

Now I am mourning each and every one of those missed opportunities.
I know he lives on in my memories, and the photos we did have.

So take the photo! Please.

I promise you that when your loved ones look back on them they will notice nothing but your eyes, your smile and how much love they have for you. They will remember the moment, not your outfit.

And join in. Don't waste one single day sitting on the sidelines watching the fun, because you're worried how you'll look.

Life is too short.

Chelle
Survivor, Crusader & General Wonder Woman.

#BOPOBytheSea - Southend On Sea

The 19th of August was the first public photo event for Positively Perfect. 

Our aim was to show people that every body has a beach body.  We chose Southend-on-Sea as a convenient location and hoped people would be brave enough to show up. 

Little did we know it would also be a huge moment for us, so here are two accounts of what Saturday meant to two of our group.

Chelle

I wore a bikini and no one died!

I'm a size 22. Though if I'm honest right now I'm more of a 24.

You'd think being part of Positively Perfect, that I'd be all confident and secure in my skin. But the reality is that I won't even let my partner see me stand up naked. I refuse to look at myself naked in the mirror, and the sight of my flesh makes me want to cry.

Yet yesterday we had our #BOPOByTheSea shoot. I had a one piece and a bikini to wear.
Now in general I'm considered quite confident. I'm not, I actually suffer quite a lot with social anxiety but I'm a huge fan of "fake it til you make it".

So of course I was expected to don the bikini, so I did. My heart was beating faster than that Duracell bunny at the beginning of the ad as I stepped out of the shadows I'd just changed in.

The reaction from everyone was well, underwhelming. No one actually cared. So I was in a bikini. So what? And that was such a relief I can't even tell you.

After a while I almost forgot I had my pasty white orange peel thighs on show. That my arch nemesis of belly overhang was clearly visible, that my stretch marks and scars were all clear as day.

I seemed to not notice that we were on a public beach with a busy main road overlooking us.

I wore that bikini all day.

Not one person fainted at the sight of my untamed flesh. No one felt it necessary to comment on how repulsive they considered me.

No one died!

It's now 24 hours later and I've just been to an air show. Not with the comfort blanket of being at a PPUK photo shoot with lots of encouraging and supportive girls. No. I was on a packed beach full of strangers. I was with my partner. I was in public!

So when I pulled my trousers down to reveal my legs he was stunned. When I then removed my top to reveal just my bikini he couldn't believe it. "Are you really going to sunbath?" He asked. 

Because despite him telling me he likes my body, regularly! I refuse to believe him. How could he? It's gross right?

So to him this was a huge step forwards for me.

And there I was. Almost naked on a beach. For the first time ever.  And guess what? The same thing happened. No one laughed or pointed or even took the slightest bit of notice!

I'm not cured by any stretch. I still don't think I could look at my naked self without pointing at bits I don't like.  But having braved that first time, I feel like I can do it again. And again. And maybe one day it will be like all those other things and the practice will make it easier.

I certainly hope so, I kinda like the idea of a tan.

Katie
Feeling liberated and free!

When I was little I couldn’t wait to get my swimming costume on, I loved the freedom and comfort of wearing one and would wear one whenever possible.

As I got older and more self-conscious of my growing body I liked it less and less.

Earlier this month I was in a Pageant and one of the required outfits was swimwear. Can you imagine my horror. I was going to have to wear swimwear in front of the general public.

I do swim a lot when possible and obviously wear a swimsuit for this and when I go on holiday I wear swimwear.  But I honestly feel that everyone is doing their own thing and not paying the slightest bit of attention to me. but it’s still not my favourite thing to do.

I have a very large stomach and very large legs. I would love to have an acceptable fat body but mine is far from it.

So flash back to the Pageant.

I almost dropped out several times due to the swimwear round the very thought of it made me very anxious and upset and made me wake up in a cold sweat.

Then we at PP discussed a beach body shoot and again I felt a prickle of fear at the thoughts of not only the general public seeing my horrible bits but also having actual photographic evidence of the repulsive sight.

I sat and thought about it for a long time and came to the realisation that being part of a Body Positivity group was reason enough to get my wobbly bits out.

On the night of the pageant I just danced. I kind of forgot I was in swimwear I just enjoyed the moment and had a great time loving every moment of the cheers and claps.

This filled me with confidence and I decided to wear my Leopard Bettie Page inspired one peace to our shoot.

Once I saw the water I took my dress off and just wore my Costume. I felt liberated and free again , I felt like I was 5 and as the pictures show I looked like a kid enjoying myself.

Yes I have a large tummy and legs.  But I don’t care and anyone who loves me doesn't care either.

The world didn’t stop turning.
I wasn’t Harpooned and taken to a Sea life centre.
I just enjoyed myself.

So my point is:

If I can, YOU can.

So come on everybody, get your Swimming cosies on and have fun.

Why #BOPO is about more than just fat bodies

Body Positivity, or BOPO is big news all of a sudden. All the celebrities seem to be joining the bandwagon and that’s great!

But they seem to be attracting the usual negativity of anyone that raises their head above the parapet for something they believe in. There seems to be a misconception that body positivity should only be for the fat and obese, that a straight sized attractive person has no business identifying with messages of self-love and body confidence.

We at Positively Perfect vehemently oppose that idea.

Firstly, being fat doesn’t prohibit beauty.
Secondly, we have never met anyone, of any size that doesn’t have at least one insecurity about the way they look. Be that a supermodel or a shop worker, we all have at least one thing that given a magic wand, we would change about how we look.

Now this makes body positivity sound frivolous and shallow. And I suppose compared to many subjects it is.  But there are deeper issues that evolve from our self-deprecation of our bodies.

It is no shock that depression amongst teens is at an all-time high. Self-mutilation, body dysmorphia and eating disorders are all on the rise too. We don’t have to make too big a leap to connect these rises to the 24/7 social media lifestyle we now all enjoy. But do we?

Do we actually enjoy having perfectly toned and sculpted models paraded in front of us to aspire to? Is it healthy that these models themselves have been edited and photoshopped until they no longer resemble their true selves?

We follow these social media stars and watch in awe at their tanned bodies on enviable holidays, having fun with their friends and living a lifestyle we less fortunate mortals can only dream of.

But is that healthy?

The BOPO movement, or certainly the one that Positively Perfect are contributing to, is about learning to love who you are. Not just focusing on how you look. We promote that you are more than your body, and hopefully help to shine a light on the falsity of those feeds. We want people to enjoy those photos, but also understand they aren’t the reality.

We want people to realise that body issues effect everyone, tall short, fat or thin, every colour, every religion, every gender and every age group.

We are about size inclusivity. And whilst that idea is out of favour with the original body positivity crusaders who prefer to be plus positive only, for reasons we understand but don’t necessarily agree with.

Our fight is for everyone.

When someone learns to love themselves completely they feel better equipped to stand up to bullies.

They go for that new promotion.
They don’t accept the doctor fobbing them off.
They won’t allow their partner to insult or abuse them.

Loving yourself is about more than just being brave enough to wear a bikini or show your bingo wings, it is about life and death in many cases.

We are passionate about our cause, and we are so glad you are joining us.

Don’t allow anyone to tell you #BOPO is frivolous, or fat centric. It is vital, it is important and it is working!

So keep it up, we certainly will!

Chelle
Survivor, Crusader & General Wonder Woman.

“Plus Size” does not mean Fat!

Today I found myself in a heated debate on a page.

Someone had shared a photo of a woman from a website selling a plus size bikini. She is described on the website as being a size 18.  There were a great many comments shocked by this fact and accusing the site of having edited the photos.

Now there really is an issue with websites editing and photo shopping their models, and I was cheered to see that so many had come to realise that not everything we see should be taken as fact.

But there then became a lot of:
“No way is she plus size, where is her belly”
“She is no way plus size. She looks like me and im a size 8!”
“She just looks like a normal healthy woman, not plus size”
“If she is plus size then I’m a whale”

It saddened me as I realised that these women weren’t actually criticising the model. They all accepted that she had a lovely figure.

But they were all under the misconception that plus size = fat/obese/ugly/undesirable. This woman couldn’t possibly be a true plus size woman as she was attractive and had a nice figure.

When I pointed out that yes, she was plus sized as in the UK a model between a size 12-18 is plus sized. And plus sized clothing ranges usually start at a 14, so this size 18 lady was definitely plus sized. There was outrage.

How could a size 14, or worse still a 12, be considered plus size. I also pointed out that most models are very tall, so their size will always look better proportioned than on some others. I shared the below photos of myself, size 22 and weighing roughly 20 stone, But also 6’1.

They weren’t angry that the fashion industry is compartmentalising us based on our sizes. They were horrified that seemingly slim women would be considered “plus size” because we inherently consider this to be a derogatory term.

It became clear that when people hear the term Plus size they imagine a very large, very overweight person. They imagine wobbly bits and someone that would not be considered aesthetically pleasing in the mainstream.

THIS IS WRONG!
Plus Size is merely the term for the collection of clothes.

When creating clothes it is possible to just “size up” a garment within the typical 8-14 range of sizes. But beyond that you need to re measure and adjust accordingly, as there needs to be adaptations to the cut and shape of the garment. Which is why when we order cheap things from china we are always left scratching our heads as to how we get them on!

Plus size isn’t a judgement. It isn’t a comment on your weight. It isn’t a way to describe yourself, your worth or how you look. It is nothing more than the tag you put into the search bar when narrowing down your pay day purchase list.

Now we would dearly love to see more achievable bodies within the fashion industry. And I think most would agree that seeing a lady with the odd lump and bump can only help us to imagine what an outfit will look like on ourselves. But we need to first remove this negativity from the idea of Plus size fashion.

When we understand that it is ok to be plus size. It is possible to be plus size and still have a toned body, a beautiful shape, a flat tummy and a beautiful face. Maybe then we will see that the plus size ranges don’t need to be hidden at the back. They don’t need to be online only, because god forbid we may want to try something on in the changing rooms.

We don’t get upset by the term Petite, or Tall, Plus Size is no different.

The label inside your dress is just that, a label. It doesn’t define or describe you!

Chelle
Survivor, Crusader & General Wonder Woman.

So, the News says: If you are ‘fat’, you can’t be fit?

So it has been in the headlines a lot recently about how if you are ‘fat’, you can’t be fit, well I don’t agree with it. 

As someone who is very sports minded and rather active, I must admit I have to disagree. Just because us plus size ladies carry a little extra why does that automatically mean that we are unhealthy and that we cannot possibly partake in any sporting activity.

Now, I have been a sporty person ever since I was a young girl, I mean when it comes to sports I have done a lot over the years;

Hockey

Netball

Cricket
Football
Swimming
Rounders
Athletics
Trampolining
Basketball

I still to this day play Hockey for a local club, I swim on a weekly basis and I am rather active with all the walking I do with my dog. I wouldn’t say that I am unfit, in fact I would say that I am quite fit, yes I probably could be fitter but I am happy with who I am.

I used to regularly go to the gym which I unfortunately had to stop due to the EXTORTIONATE monthly cost! When I was going, I didn’t always have the best experiences, normally, I am sorry to say, was in the changing rooms from other females. I never used to say anything when I would hear them talking about me, laughing and joking saying horrible things like ‘did you see her on the treadmill’ because for me it just wasn’t worth it. Except for one day, after I had been for a workout, I decided to go for a swim and jump into the hot tub for a little TLC. I wore a bikini. When I was getting changed out of my bikini and into my clothes, all I heard from behind me was ‘eurgh, look at that. How could she wear a bikini’. I left it, but it carried in, comments were made about my size, that I don’t belong in the gym, that girls my size shouldn’t wear swim wear, let alone lycra in the gym. On this particular occasion, I couldn’t hold back anymore. I turned to these two girls, who were giggling to themselves and politely asked, why they found it acceptable to talk about me within earshot, what made them qualified to decide that I shouldn’t be allowed to wear a bikini and lycra, and finally why does my acceptance of myself to wear these items intimidate them so much. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a reply to any of my questions and they just slinked off.

There are so many stereotypes when it comes to being plus size and sporty and I think over the last year or so, there have been so many videos and amazing inspirational women who have come to light, there are now plus sized Ballerina’s, plus sized street dancers, plus sized swimmers.

Everywhere you look there is someone who is on the plus size scale who is breaking the stereotypes and making the way for a whole new generation of self love and body acceptance.

I find it so frustrating that people automatically assume because you are larger you can’t run, come on what is that about? Just because my thighs are thick doesn’t mean they don’t work the same as someone who has slimmer thighs. Just because I don’t have a washboard stomach, doesn’t mean I am going to sink when I get into the swimming pool. I am fat, I am active, I am fit, I enjoy going out and being active and oddly enough I can do exactly the same as women half my size, some things I can even do better. So my message to those who think you can’t be fat and fit is GET OVER IT! There are more important things to worry about in life than if this fat girl can run or not!

Over and out

Emma K
Model, Pageant Princess & Sporty Girl

Lifestyle not Looks! - Guest Post

So, the other day, I posted a ‘progress pic’ of myself on my Insta Story, having finished my first post-partum round of the Shaun T fitness programme, Focus T25.

Next thing I know, there’s a private message in my inbox from a lady, who we shall call ‘Monica’. Monica felt it her duty to ask me ‘why are you working out already’ and tell me that I ‘shouldn’t be worrying about all that nonsense or what I look like and just worry about taking care of my baby…’
I thanked Monica for her kind advice (which I didn’t ask for) and concern but reassured her that I am working out because I enjoy it and I AM looking after my baby (who’s over 7 months old btw, not exactly newborn!).

Two things here:

1. Why do people like ‘Monica’ feel the need to question other people’s motives for keeping fit and healthy and
2. Does having a baby automatically bar a woman from wanting to keep fit and healthy?

Although I didn’t feel the need to justify myself to Monica, her comments did get me thinking. She asked me why am I working out. It’s as though she made the assumption that I am doing it for vanity or because I care about losing baby weight.

The honest truth is, I enjoy exercise. Actually, I’ll rephrase that – I don’t enjoy the exercise itself, but I enjoy the feeling it gives me after I finish a workout. Some people get their oxytocin from coffee or Nutella; I get mine from a good, beastly workout! I enjoy the feeling of my muscles strengthening and the feeling of getting fitter and healthier. I worked out before I had my baby for these same reasons. Primarily, I do it because I want to stay healthy and fit because for me, there’s so many diseases out there ready to take your life so I need to be as fit and healthy as I can be to fight them off!

5 months post-partum, after one round of Focus T25:

It’s for these same reasons that I try to eat as healthy as possible. I don’t deprive myself though because Baileys, Tiramisu and Mac n Cheese make me happy! But, for the most part, I enjoy eating healthy food because it makes me feel good. If I eat crap all the time, I feel crap both physically and mentally, having undone all my hard work from exercise.

Far too often, people make assumptions about other people regarding health and fitness. They think that, just because you workout and eat healthy food, you’re trying to ‘get skinny’ or you’re ‘obsessed’. Truth is, the last reason I exercise and eat well is because of how I look. I don’t aspire to be or look like anyone other than my best self. I’m more concerned with what my body looks like inside than how it appears to others. Sure, I have days where I feel like I’m carrying a food baby or my top button doesn’t do up nicely but that’s just human. I’ve done the whole strict eating clean, detoxing and ‘get ripped’ thing and, whilst I felt triumphant at the fact I had visible abs and was lean AF, I really just wanted to eat a bowl of apple crumble with ice cream most days. I wasn’t really happy.

Too much emphasis is put on what we look like as opposed to how we feel. I truly believe that if you FEEL good, you will LOOK good. We have enough to worry about with work, family, friends, relationships, kids, money etc, without adding unrealistic expectations of ourselves into the mix.
So to all the ‘Monicas’ out there…instead of making the assumption that people workout and eat well because they have some sort of obsession or want to change how they look, consider the fact that trying to stay fit and healthy can be a lifestyle choice and rather than being a burden or punishment, it can actually make people happy. That’s what it does for me!

Kerry
PP Guest Post - www.kerrys2cents.com